Transition Journal

Ok folks, we are now up to date.

Voice-Noticably cracking when I raise my voice or speak loudly, still dropping. I think I'm going to pass out of tenor and into baritone soon, which has me a little pissed off.

Body hair-more or less the same, give or take a couple hairs.

Facial hair-Fine, slightly dark hairs sprouting in the side burn area. I'm ecstatic

Skin- Pretty damn good.

Misc.-Whoa. My musculature is changing. I just noticed that my fore arms are firm in places they havn't been, and my biceps are definatly bigger. I do NOTHING in the way of weight training (that's changing as of now) but I'm still making significant gains in muscle size and overall firmness. Also, my pants have started to fall of of my ass and I'm getting a little bit of a gut.

Edit: My god, my thighs are tree trunks. I cycle, and it's definatly showing. I started weight training recently and that is also showing far faster than it would have before.

This is the LAST entry that I'm compounding from my hard copy journal, everything following this will be done in the month the changes occured.

Voice- More droppege. PS, falsetto is hard.

Body hair- more or less the same. A little more on my legs and arms, a little more in the happy trail.

Facial hair-The dime sized patch is expanding across my chin a little bit.

Skin- Pretty good.

Voice-Like, woah. My upper range is GONE. I'm a vocalist so it's bizarre and a little nerve wracking.

Body hair- Lots of little dark, very fine hairs all around my navel and leading up in a line to my chest. If these are to be replaced with thick ones I'm going to be one hairy beast.

Facial hair- Same, one dime sized patch on my chin.

Skin-Still unfortunate, but compairing myself to other guys, it could be worse. Nothing cystic.

Mood- I've noticed a very caveman like change in the way I view people who I dislike. I can catigorize them based on just how badly I want to hit them. I have NEVER been a violent or impulsive person before this.

Misc.- Missed my period.

Mood-Fine, same as before.

Voice-Still dropping, though not as dramaticaly as I'd hoped. I absolutly cannot access many notes that I used to, but it's not impacting my spoken range much.

Body hair- Same as before, possible a few extra happy trail hairs.

Facial hair- I have facial hairs! There is a patch of fine (but stiff) dark hairs coming in on my chin. The patch is thumbnail sized, but it's a start.

Skin-Unfortunate. More chest and back zits. Nothing dramatic.

Libido-I'm getting rid of this field till there is something to report

Misc.-I got my god damned period.

Mood- The whole: no outlet cause I can't cry thing is a problem. I've developed an obnoxious habit of hitting things when I'm upset because I don't have a more acceptable expression developed yet. It's pretty ridiculous. That said, I don't think I actualy get more angry than before, it's just a difference in expression.

Voice-My voice is dropping! Notes aren't where they used to be, making singing a strange experiance. Songs that used to sit comforatably wihtin my range are getting more and more difficult to sing.

Body Hair-I noticed a line of silky, dark hairs sprouting from my navel up to my chest. It's not something you would notice from a distance, but it's there.

Facial hair- The blond hairs on my chin are getting longer and stiffer. They are still not visible from anywhere farther than one foot away.

Body-I've been riding my bike like a maniac and have started to develop pretty impressive thigh and calf muscles, far more than I was capable of before.

Libido-Still ridiculous.

Misc.- No period this month!

Tip: I just got a tip off a lj community about reducing injection pain. If icing one's leg immediatly after injection drasticly reduces the muscle pain from injection. I used to have a sore leg for a couple days, now I can get on my bike in under an hour.

Mood-Exellent. Halfway through this month I had my dose increased from 50mg to 200mg. Between the extra T lift to the

Voice-Nothing

Hair-Possibly a little thicker in the legs, and I have a new happy trail hair. Its name is Roger.

Body-My pants are starting to fall off my ass a little bit, and my belly is starting to bulge more than I want it to.

Libido- ( cut for TMI )

Misc.- I'm starting to see a subtle mental shift. I've always been really interested in music and writing, but I'm starting to get much more interested in visual art. I'm starting to be more linear and visualy oreinted.

Mood- Much the same. I still can't cry, which I was pretty stoked about before, but it's becoming a problem. I have always had really hair trigger tear ducts. Any time I'm upset/pissed/frustrated they start up (even more then when I'm actualy sad). Now that I don't cry I'm starting to realize how much I've relied on that to let those close to me know how upset I am. Now I'm coming of as uncaring or blase when I'm actualy pretty worked up. Also, I don't have and adequite outlet for emotion anymore.

Hair-Nada

Skin-Pretty unfortunate.

Voice-Nothing.

Libido-Still jacked up, but I'm adjusting. *Side note* As I have a couple friends of mine on the friends list to this journal, I'm trying to not be too explicit. I would like to look at them in the face without knowing they know the intimate details of my sex life, masturbation practices or anatomy. I'm not shy, just trying to have appropriate boundaries with people who really don't need to/want to know. If you *do* need to know, ie. are a trans guy looking for info, the partner of a trans guy or a friend who really does want to know, send me an e-mail: yerboyhowdy@aol.com. I'll answer all questions to the best of my ability. I'll still post updates here, but they might be vauge.

Msc.-Not much to report. I'm counting the days till they up my dose.

Mood-Still lower on anxiety, but I'm experiancing a low on the last two to three days of my shot cycle. Also...I CAN'T cry. I get upset and start to feel my eyeballs tingle, then...nothing.

Hair-Zip.

Body-I'm still not seeing it, my girlfriend still is.

Skin-Still not bad, but not good either

Libido-Still increased.

Misc.- Still sweaty.

Mood-Mood was probably the most significant difference for me. I have struggled with anxiety for most of my life, and have seen it drasticly reduced in the last month.

Body/Facial Hair-Nothing yet

Fat-I can't see anything, but my girlfriend thinks there is a little movement from my hips to my belly.

Libido-Very much increased.

Skin-Urg, acne. It's not as bad as it could be. I have a smattering across my chin and forhead, about as much as I usualy get before my period. Plus, I'm getting some on my shoulders (very rare before now) and a couple on my chest (never before in my life).

Voice- Nada.

Misc.- I have always gotten away with no to very little deoderant, but that is quickly becoming an impossibility.

*Note* I think I forgot to mention before, I'm on .25mg every two weeks to start with.

Woah. I let this thing go.

I have recently had cause to consult the journals of several trans guys who are far more dedicated than I. It kinda turned the guilt spigot on for me. Those journals were immensely helpful and I'm going to try to keep this one going.
I'm using my hard-copy journal to reconstruct my last few months, on a month to month basis, and after that will update on a monthly basis to make things a little more structured and easy to understand.

Regarding my earlier post. OUCH! It really hurts.

( cut_for_TMI! )

My period started yesterday. Sucks yes, but, it was a week late, and there was none of the usual bloating that normaly accompanies my periods, also, T seems to be the best knock out for cramps evah!

The low mood was definatly from the hormone low. I'm feeling fine now. Other than that, I'm still broken out, my leg hurts, and my period is five days late.
I had been under the impression that one generaly has a period or two after starting, but I'm not complaining.

Did this one all by myself. The nurse talked me through it. It took several times to actualy stab myself in the leg, but I did it.

I think I'm noticing a low. My mood has been not grand the last couple of days, in fact, it sucks. As I'm two days from my next dose I'm hoping it's connected.

I saw my therapist for the first time since my first shot yesterday. She said I seemed calmer and that there was something around my eyes that she couldn't place.
Seems a little early for physical stuff to me, but who knows?

It's a week after the first shot. Changes I have observed:

acne
Less freaked by things like heights, needles ect.
I almost can't cry
and the sex drive thing can't be overstated.

It's still so soon after my first shot that I'm loath to be hasty about making cause and effect connections--but the fact remains, I am breaking out.

If this is what 50 mg does to my skin, this is going to be a loooong second puberty.

Here are some before shots. I will take new pictures every month or so.